


Dear Post Human Diary

by princey_pie



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo - Pie Chart [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Animal Death, Blood and Gore, Dehydration, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Nausea, Not Really Character Death, Sick Character, Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:13:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28117503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princey_pie/pseuds/princey_pie
Summary: Normally, if the world would go down in flames, Remus would use it to warm his hands. This time though, he is getting burned.(Part of the Bad Things Happen Bingo Card - Definitely Just A Cold)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders, Platonic Anxceitmus
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo - Pie Chart [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1930993
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22
Collections: Bad Things Happen Bingo, TSS Fanworks Collective





	Dear Post Human Diary

Remus grinned as he pushed open the door to his shitty apartment. Gosh, what a time to be alive. In any other year, there probably wouldn’t be a full on group fistfight in a grocery store on a Wednesday afternoon, but people were wild these days. Remus lived for it. He didn’t mind the bruises, his blood was pumping and he felt alive. Besides, his leather jacket prevented the worst.

He put his war prize, three cups of ramen and a pudding sixpack, into the fridge and then pulled his trusted friend, the first aid kit, from under the sink. He turned the TV on for some background noise as he started to dab antiseptic on some scrapes. Then he bandaged the bloody wound on his shoulder. Remus would be pissed that that mad man bit him, but he simply had to admire the dedication. Besides, he was pretty sure that he broke the idiot’s nose in return.

It seemed to be an interesting day in general, Remus thought. The news reported a series of fights breaking out all over the city, looking for a possible correlation. Remus was honestly surprised that people had been taking this long to finally snap. He switched to an old fashioned and quiet gore-rich anime and washed down a painkiller with the first half of an energy drink.

Occasionally there were explosions in the distance, probably a few streets away, and Remus played his little game with himself where he had to guess if they were fireworks or gunshots. The sun started to slowly set and just as Remus contemplated turning on the light, his phone rang, the screen illuminating the room.

Remus raised his eyes at the display. "Black Parade is calling." Virgil never called, he even texted him when he needed advice after he got chili in his eyes during cooking. And after he moved in with Janus on the other side of town for his job, he made his roommate make contact with the outside world for him, only making an expectation to send memes.

"Hey hi, my favorite virgin, how-"

"Shut up and listen to me!" Virgil's voice echoed through the speaker, there was a deafening amount of background noise going on, a mix of what could be explosions, screams, and a car engine. "Are you home?!"

"Yes? V, what-"

"Good, stay there! Dee and me- shit, Dee watch out-" Remus could hear the tires squeaking over the asphalt- "We are on the way! Just be careful, the news said-'' The signal broke off.

It was silent in Remus' flat except for the static of the TV. The signal must have shut down at the same time as his phone. Remus turned it off. He could hear the shouts now too, distant but too close for comfort. This time he had no doubt that what he heard were gunshots. But what were they shooting?

He silently crept to the window. It took him a second to work out what unnerved him at the sight. Even on the outskirts of town, it was never dark this close to the city but these weren't just streetlights. The city was burning, sending a thick pillar of smoke against the darkening sky.

Remus gulped at the sight. As quickly as he could he started packing a backpack, a few changes of clothes, the ramen packs, water bottles, the first aid kit, and a rolled-up blanket from the couch. A nearby dog started barking. Then he sat on his couch and waited, eating his pudding and the last of his energy drink before it could go bad. He was still hungry. He would have boiled some water for ramen but the oven wouldn’t turn on. Maybe the gas was cut?

He must have fallen asleep. Remus knew that what seemed just like a blink ago he was on his couch. The next time he opened his eyes he was outside, in one of his neighbor's gardens with his hands deep into his neighbor's german shepherd.

Remus jerked back, his hands a bloody crimson, glistening in the low lamplight that reached the backyard. He could feel it sticking to his skin and something warm dripped down his chin. Remus stumbled to his feet and ran, desperate to get back into his apartment, away from the dead dog, away from the sight that horrified him. And yet, he was salivating at the sheer sight.

Somehow he made it back. He scrubbed the blood from his arms and face, thankful that the water was still running. Then he hid behind the couch and tried not to think about it. He didn't dare to fall asleep for the rest of the night. The sun rose and he told himself that soon his friends would come. Everything would be okay then. He just needed to wait.

It was almost noon and Remus was starving. His stomach was cramping but his kitchen was empty. The nausea kept rising in him in waves. He couldn't leave his flat. If he had any doubt about this from last night, it perished immediately when the noises started.

First, there was shuffling outside. It got steadily louder over the day until it sounded to be just under Remus' window. Worse than the silence were the screams. He pressed himself into the back of the couch and silently pleaded for his friends to hurry up. It went quiet again when the sun started to set.

Remus slowly got to his feet, the first time today, and had to grip the back of the couch as the room started spinning. He needed several seconds before he could go over to the sink and greedily drink from his hands. He didn’t care about the water quality anymore, he would do anything to get rid of his dry mouth and yet the water seemed to do nothing but making his stomach cramp.

He left the bathroom and his gaze fell onto his window. Slowly he crept closer. He had to press his face to the glass to view anything beyond his apartment's dirty courtyard with the trash cans. He suppressed a moan as his skin made contact with the cool glass. He probably was more dehydrated than he thought if he was this warm. The whole flat felt stuffy all of the sudden and in a knee-jerk reaction, he pulled the window open, inviting the humid but fresh evening air in.

Then he saw the bodies. It was hard to tell at first with the junk and car wrecks lining the main street but after he saw them he couldn't look away. He knew those people. Even from this far away he could make out Mrs. Tarham’s blue polka dot dress, she always took forever to cross the street but would still determinedly bring him cookies every holiday just because he helped her trim the tree in her garden a few years back. A bit further down the road, he saw the colorful hair of his downstairs neighbor that he once witnessed carrying three full tubes of hair bleach into his flat. There seemed to be a lot redder than Remus remembered and oh- the realization that his hair was matted with blood. It should disgust him instead it made his stomach grumble. What the fuck was wrong with him? He jerked away from the window as if electrocuted and slammed it shut. His ears were ringing and he couldn't breathe right. Remus tried to remember what Janus told Virgil to do when he had a panic attack but his brain was empty, hazy memories too slippery to hold on. Maybe Janus could tell him again when- if they’ll get him. No, they’ll get him. Virgil said they were on their way. They could be dead by now and- no they were coming, they would-

Something scratched under his window. Remus froze in his spot, staring at the milky glass. Just as fast as it started it stopped again and Remus could hear the awful shuffling again. He didn’t dare to move. He jumped as something banged against the door. It sounded as if something (or someone?) was throwing itself against the wood. The very thin and only-kept-closed-by-a-flimsy-lock door. The next impact shook the door in its frame.

Remus was across the room in seconds, pushing against the door from the other side. Something slammed into it again, sending shocks of pain through his shoulder. On the next impact, he heard the lock break. It only made him press harder, using his whole body weight as a barricade. He still scooted a bit over the floor with the next bang and he was starting to get weaker. Panicked his gaze flitted across the room. It landed on the heavy dresser next to the door. 

Remus waited for the next slam before he sprung up and tugged desperately on the heavy furniture. It barely scooted over the floor. In a last desperate attempt to keep that thing out of his flat he tipped the entire thing over with a crash, the drawers spilled their contents everywhere and one of the legs broke off. Just in time as the thing crashed into the door again. Remus could have cried with relief if he had any tears left as the door barely budged. He slumped against the wall as the adrenaline faded and slowly slid down until he sat on the floor, numbly staring at the door.

He sat there a long time, listening for any sign that that thing would come back. It lost interest soon after the attempts to bust his door proved useless. But who could guarantee it wouldn’t come back? Remus had to keep watch until- he was waiting for something, so until that happened.

Remus was in the kitchen. It was bright out again. Did he sleep through the night? Remus didn’t remember. Wasn’t he waiting for someone? Right, Vee Vee said they were coming. How long ago was that? Remus wandered to the door, checked that it was still locked only to blink uncomprehendingly at the barricaded entrance. Right, something tried to break it. He jiggled the doorknob. It didn’t budge.

Remus dragged himself back to the couch. He laid down. The room was too hot. He tugged off his jacket, not caring that he busted a seam on one sleeve. 

Did he check the door? What if the thing came back. 

His feet shuffled over the floor as he went to the door, mumbling under his breath. His dresser was in front of his door. He went back to the couch. Why was it so hot? He ripped the bandages around his neck off and immediately felt cooler. He laid back down on the couch.

It was dark and yet Remus was sweating. He needed fresh air. He stumbled towards his door but the dresser had collapsed in front. The door won’t open so he tugged and pushed until he could slip the door open. A thought struck him. He couldn't leave. He tried to wrack his brain about why- of course, Janus and Virgil wanted to visit. They wouldn’t find him outside. Weren’t they a little late? The details were hazy so he wasn’t sure but it was probably fine. He just needed to wait. He went back to the couch.

Remus woke in a cold sweat. There was another sound by his front door and Remus leaped to his feet. The thing was back. He rushed to the door only to find the dresser already pushed aside and the door ajar. A growl formed in his throat before he knew what he was doing. There was a sound in the dark hallway and Remus lunged through the door with a snarl. The hallway was empty. Remus bared teeth turned into a confused frown. 

Didn’t he hear something just now? Maybe it had been Janus or Virgil? Yes, he was waiting for them. How long had it been? They promised they would, right? Remus shook his head but the clouds in his mind didn’t clear. He was probably just tired, he could take a nap while he waited. He went back to his flat and closed the door behind him. He laid down on the couch with his head facing the entrance. That way he would hear if his friends came. Surely they wouldn’t just leave him alone here.

* * *

Janus was running, Virgil hot on his heels. It seemed like that was all they did now. After the car broke down after they’d run over one too many zombies, they had no choice but to pass through the outskirts of the town by foot. But they had promised Remus to get him and they would, even if the distance that would normally take only a few hours to walk was now proving an obstacle course for four days. Between searching for food, a defendable hiding spot to stay for the night, and evading zombie hoards that surely demonstrated that too many people lived in this godforsaken city, or rather used to live, time ran through their fingers like sand on the shore.

They were exhausted, sunburnt, and scratched up (luckily only by bushes and concrete). Just before they stepped onto Remus’s street, they stopped. Janus allowed himself to just stand there, catching his breath with his hands on his knees. Beside him, Virgil was propped up on his bat in a similar fashion.

“Think we finally lost them?” Virgil rasped out, “0 out of 10 would not recommend.”

“Can we concentrate please?” Janus stood upright again and took up the crossbow that dangled from his shoulder strap. He only had a dozen arrows left but it had to be enough. At least to get Remus and finally leave the city behind.

Virgil followed his example, twirling his bat a few times before nodding. “Right, right. Let’s get Remus back.”

They made their way across the street. Bodies lined the way, just like everywhere else. Janus exchanged a look with his friend. They knew they had both secretly hoped that it wouldn’t have been as bad here while still knowing how unrealistic that was. Seeing it was still different. They didn’t need to mention that the chance of them finding Remus among the bodies was just as high as finding him alive.

It was quiet in the building as they carefully went to Remus’ apartment, weapons at the ready. The hallway was dark and Virgil in front of him was nothing but a silhouette. 

Virgil hesitated at Remus’ door. Janus stepped closer and saw the problem. The door was open, the lock was obviously broken and the outside dented as if something had slammed into it with brute force.

On Janus’ grim nod Virgil slowly pushed the door open and entered, Janus slipping in right after him. They stepped over part of a splintered dresser into the twilight of the flat. 

Suddenly a shadow moved in front of them, throwing itself at Virgil. Janus pulled the crossbow up and almost shot his target if it were not for Virgil’s relieved whisper of “Remus” before he pulled his friend into a tight hug.

Janus felt a heavy weight lift off his chest, and his shoulders slumped as the tension bled out of them. He quietly shut the door, kicking a bit of wood in front so that it wouldn’t fall open again. Only then did he lower his weapon and laid a hand on Remus’ shoulder. 

“It’s good to see you, Rem.” Remus didn’t answer him but seeing as he was currently buried against Virgil’s chest that was understandable. Remus was only wearing a thin tank top and the chill from his skin seeped into Janus’ hand. He frowned. Why- His gaze fell onto the bite mark next to his hand, just at the joint of his neck, dark against his pale skin.

Janus could feel a black void open in his stomach, horror spreading in his chest. He grabbed tight onto the back of Remus’ shirt and yanked him back, away from Virgil. Remus, except this wasn’t Remus, stumbled through the room, disoriented, and collided with the couch. Janus aimed his crossbow onto the slumped form on the ground.

“Jay, what the fuck?!” Virgil screamed- far too loud, others will hear them, Janus thought- and slapped his crossbow down.

Janus didn’t dare to look away from Remus. “Did he bite you?” He couldn’t keep the tremble out of his voice.

“What?”

“Vee,” Janus sucked in a stuttering breath, “look at him. He- Shit, he got bitten.”

“No,” Virgil shook his head, taking a step back. “He’s not, he can’t-'' His voice broke and he slapped a hand over his mouth, muffling the sound of his tears. “I told him we would get him, I-” he choked out.

“I know,” Janus had never felt more helpless. “But we have to-” he cleared his throat- “we can’t stay here.”

Virgil looked at him horrified. “You can’t be serious. He’s Remus, we can’t-”

Janus set his jaw. “We can and we will. That’s not Remus, not anymore.” They really didn’t have time for this discussion, especially not when the thing on the floor started to move again. He aimed his crossbow again. “Just go outside, Virgil, I’ll be right there. Please don’t make it harder than it has to be.”

“Fuck no!” Virgil stepped in front of him, protectively shielding that thing from him. And making himself an easy target in the progress.

“Virgil, for heaven’s sake, it’s a zombie! Once they're turned the person is gone! We kill zombies, that’s what you do! And now...” he couldn’t keep the sob suppressed anymore.

Virgil’s gaze softened as Janus angrily wiped away his tears and gently pulled him into a hug, sandwiching the weapon in between them. A second pair of arms wrapped around Janus and he jerked back, only to see Rem- the zombie, Janus had to remind himself, no matter how much it hurt, staring at him with a tilted head and raised arms.

Janus expected scratching claws, growling, and teeth buried into flesh, tearing and yet-

“He’s not attacking,” Virgil whispered as if speaking too loudly would break the spell.

Janus starred with wide eyes. He tried to squish down the insistent flicker of hope that tried to bloom in his chest that just this time it would be different. “Remus?” he asked despite himself. He didn’t know what he had expected but whatever it was, he didn’t get it. The zombie didn’t show any reaction at all. 

“Virgil-”

“No, wait, trust me on this. I know he’s still there, I just know, Jay.”

And then Janus watched Virgil do the stupidest thing he ever witnessed. He hugged a zombie. Janus was ready to shoot an arrow between his eyes at any signs of aggression but the zombie- Remus? - only leaned his head against Virgil’s chest, eyes staring into the emptiness.

Janus slowly lowered his crossbow.

Virgil pleadingly looked at him. “He recognizes us. Maybe he can’t register it, consciously I mean, but still… He’s not gone. Remus is here.”

Janus stepped forward and engulfed his two friends in a tight hug. He tried to swallow around the knot in his throat as Remus leaned into the warmth, nuzzling his jacket.

Virgil locked eyes with him over Remus’ shoulder. “He’ll be fine, right? He’s still Remus, we found him, it’ll be okay. ...Janus?”

It was moments like these where Janus desperately wished he could just lie and walk away to never face the consequences. He wishes he could himself allow to believe the lie.

“I don’t think, it’ll be okay, Vee, at least not for a while,” he took a deep breath. “We can’t take him with us and- and we can’t stay here either.”

Virgil’s face fell. “But he’s-”

“Remus, yes, maybe, I don’t know, we know so little. But he’s too slow, heaven knows what he’s been eating and for all, we know he might get worse. I don’t want to lose you as well,” Janus' voice echoed too loud in his ears, no matter how he tried to keep it soft. Nothing he said was untrue but it hurt like a knife twisted in his stomach. And judging from Virgil’s face, he felt it too.

Virgil shook his head again, refusing to listen to him as usual. “There has to be something we can do. Anything else!”

“I wish, Virgil, but what do you think happens when we meet other people? I don’t want to watch him get shot. Here, we at least get a goodbye. That’s- It’s more than most people get these days, right?” He felt wet stain his cheeks again as Virgil pulled Remus closer to himself, out of Janus’ embrace. His arms fell limp to his side.

“It’s not enough,” Virgil whimpered, “and it’s not fair. I promised we would come.”

Janus helplessly watched as Remus chased the contact as Virgil slowly let go of him to wipe his face and straighten himself.

“I’m not leaving him-”

“Virgil-”

Virgil held a hand up. “No, let me finish. I’m not leaving him here, not like this. Not where he could just wander off anywhere or others can bust in at any time. Because we’re not saying goodbye, we’re going to find a cure and we’re coming back to get him.”

Janus saw the determined fire in his friend’s eyes and found that he believed every single word. With a surge of new hope, he stood a little taller. “Ok, how do we do this?”

It took them almost two days to barricade the window and find enough material to block off the door as well. Two days where each morning they would wake up with Remus snuggled against them, where for the split second it took them to remember the world was okay again. Two mornings that made Janus wish they didn’t have to leave. Or better, that the world never went to shit in the first place. Two days where the sounds from outside reminded them that Janus could never have what he wished for.

It was the third morning, their stuff was packed and they ran out of excuses to stall any longer. 

Virgil pulled Remus close who gladly followed. He cupped his face and determined fixated the other’s uncomprehending gaze. “This is not forever.” Janus wondered if he only tried to convince Remus, or himself as well. But he would give his best to hold it. “We’re going to come back. You just need to wait a bit longer, okay? We love you.”

Janus briefly hugged them both before picking up his crossbow. He followed Virgil out of the flat and together they pulled the barricade in place. Janus pinned the “Do Not Open” sign in place. It didn’t feel enough. They still left.

* * *

Remus was cold. He remembered there was a time where he was too hot but now he was cold. He didn’t like the cold.

There had been warmth at some point, he thought. He’d liked that a lot. In fact, Remus was sure it was his favorite thing. But then the warmth had vanished like everything else.

Remus was waiting. Sometimes, when the world seemed a tiny bit clearer he was sure that it had been far too long. He still waited. He didn’t know for what, but it was important. Besides, maybe the warmth would come back?

He could still hear occasional noises from outside but they were muffled through the wood in front of the window. The door was barricaded too so he couldn’t go investigate. Besides, he needed to wait.

So when there was noise outside the door, Remus only watched the entrance with a tilted head. He only rose to his feet from his place on the couch as the door burst open. 

A man walked in, his polished boots rapped against the floor and his white lab coat swooshed as he confidently entered the room. His glasses caught a stray sunbeam that fell through the cracks of the barricaded window. 

Remus’ gaze zoned in on the shiny reflection.

He shuffled over to the figure. He didn’t mind the flinch although it made his head dizzy and a growl form in his throat.

He burrowed his face into the other’s chest and the urge went away as fast as it had risen. Instead, he hummed, content. It didn’t feel quite right, the white fabric was too bright and smooth, nothing like the well-worn cotton he wanted. The man smelled clean and there was no dirt on the coat to rub into his face. It seemed odd to Remus since everything had become so dirty and dark. It felt wrong. But there was the slightest trace of a familiar smell, old but there, underneath the acrid smell of disinfectant that burned in his nose, so it was fine. Besides, the warmth was nice.

So, naturally, he growled when strong hands pushed him back. The man in front of him froze and Remus happily used the opportunity to bury himself back in his chest. A hand carefully ran through his hair. Remus melted, eyes falling half closed.

It stopped far too soon, although Remus wasn’t sure how much time passed. The hand withdrew from his hair and Remus sluggishly raised his head to search for where the hand had gone. He sleepily blinked at the man in front of him. It had to be his hand, right? 

He watched curiously as the man with the sharp blue eyes raised a hand slowly and cupped his cheek. Remus immediately leaned into the touch but kept his eyes on the other. Something was scratching at the fog of his mind and was giving him a headache.

“Greetings,” a deep voice rumbled. Remus found the words quickly slipping his mind but he liked the feel of the vibrations in his chest. “Your friends told me where to find you. Janus and Virgil?” He seemed to wait for something. Remus was waiting too, maybe the man knew what it was? 

Before Remus could chase that thought the man was speaking again. “My name is Dr. Logan Cambridge. Would you like to help me find a cure?”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! The inspiration from this actually comes from the first song "Dear Diary" from the new Bring Me The Horizon album.


End file.
